Well, I did it!

Last night I ordered a brand new Dell. None of this build-my-own-computer crap. None of this refurbished crap.

It’s going to have a 2.53-GHz processor, 512 MB RAM, 60 GB hard drive, DVD-ROM drive, CD/DVD burner drive, and a floppy drive, and the mouse is an optical mouse. I was going to get a CD burner drive, but I figured if I’m going to have this thing for a few years, why not go all the way and get a CD/DVD burner? Maybe I’ll want to burn DVDs at some point.

And I just ordered a computer desk with hutch from Staples, which will arrive tomorrow. I guess I’ll be putting it together this weekend.

I’ve also ordered DSL.

Wheeeeeeee!

I had therapy on Tuesday night, and we discussed why it’s so hard for me to spend money on myself.

Too often, when I look at the world around me, I see only its skeleton. I get so focused on survival that I forget that I’m allowed to experience some of life’s sweetness as well.

This is particularly difficult when it comes to money. In the past, I’ve felt that if I spend too much money, I’m being irresponsible. The problem is, although I grew up learning that one shouldn’t spend money unwisely, I forgot the “unwisely” part. It’s probably not a good idea to spend money just to spend it; but the fact is, it’s okay to spend money on things you want. After all, that’s what money is for — not just shelter and food, but extras.

I’m going to try to remember this. I’m going to try to see not just the skeleton of the world, but all the sweet extra goodies it has as well.

Wheeeeeeee!

For the past week I’ve been fixated on the idea of getting a new computer.

My apologies if you came here today for tawdry stories.

It takes me FOREVER to decide to spend money. Even when it’s not my own. For my birthday a few months ago, I asked my parents for a new TV to replace the basic 19-inch RCA model that I got in 1995. I was thinking of a plain old TV, but my dad suggested a Sony Wega. Fine. So I asked for a 20-inch Wega. I figured I could be satisfied with that. But he said I should get a 24-inch. When I finally agreed to the 24, he suggested the 27. I finally let him get me the 27, but it took some convincing.

My current home computer is a Micron Transport XKE, a laptop that I got way back in March 1998 (and it actually came out several months before that). It has a 200 MHz processor. And 32 MB of RAM. And a 2 GB hard drive. And I dial up via AOL. So my computer is really really slow (even slower since I upgraded to Windows 98), and I’m almost out of storage space. And I sit on the floor to use the thing.

I want a new computer. And I want a freaking computer desk. And I want DSL. I want to go all out.

I have been going over the following options:

Build my own computer. This would save money, and I honestly think it would be kind of fun. I’ve been poring over the buying guide at Ars Technica, particularly the Budget Box. I’m just nervous that I’d accidentally fry a part or screw something up or would find myself at a dead end, and then who would I call? Still — fun and a little cheaper.

Buy a new Dell. This would save time and stress. But it would be more expensive.

Buy a refurbished Dell. This would be less expensive and it would likely still work great.

I could buy a computer from another company, but Dell is just the sexiest. And the Dell guy is kinda hot, of course.

As to other considerations, I don’t know whether to get 256 or 512 RAM, a 30 or 60 GB hard drive, a flat panel monitor or not, a DVD drive or not.

I’ve been obsessing and stressing about this for days.

This Friday I will finally wipe out my credit card debt. So I don’t know whether to keep my credit card debt at zero and wait three or four months to save up the money to buy something, or put debt back onto my credit card and pay it off over three or four months. The latter would be psychologically bad, but instantly gratifying.

I think I’ll just buy an abacus and some tin cans and string.

”It was all very camp, because many of the guys who wore it first were gay and had more in common with the chicks who were chasing the ultra-butch karate guy. Gay bars during this period reeked of Hai Karate and Aramis.”

— “Martial Lore,” about the 1970s mystique that was Hai Karate aftershave, from the special Men’s Fashion section of today’s New York Times. (And now I’m really curious to smell the stuff.)