Christmas Eve in New York

Well, it’s Christmas Eve, which has always been a strange time for us Jews. (Or for this Jew, anyway.) I often want to get all thoughtful and holy and familyish on Christmas Eve, but it’s not really my place to do so. So instead I wind up being totally banal, and I feel all lame and disrespectful. I just got back from Chelsea/the Village/Union Square. The bars and the streets were pretty empty. Even in multicultural New York, Christmas Eve is apparently different from all other nights.

(Maybe the bars get busier later. Or maybe the Upper West Side would have been busier: all those Jews in the Chinese restaurants.)

Playing in the background right now is the movie score to “The Lord of the Rings.” So beautiful. This afternoon I saw the movie again. This time I saw it at the UA theater off of Union Square, where I originally wanted to see it, and the theater was packed. I liked it even better this time around. Damn, those Ringwraiths are scary!

The only problem was offscreen: I was sitting next to this gooey-lovey-dovey starry-eyed young couple. The guy was pretty cute, actually — jet black hair, pale skin, small body frame, wearing a gray ribbed turtleneck sweater. Sort of looked like a vampire-in-training. But he was pissing me off, because he kept explaining things to his girlfriend, and they held each other during the whole movie, and I could see them out of the corner of my eye. Occasionally I’d hear a slurp as they sucked face. I swear the guy spent less than half the movie looking at the screen.

By the way, thanks to Dlevy for pointing out that when I described the cave troll as a cross between E.T. and a bantha, I actually meant the Rancor. You’re right, Dave.

(And Emily — what about Galadriel’s feet? I paid close attention to them this time around… and… well… they looked like feet.)

Before the movie, I had a lunch date with a guy I met online last night. He was a 31-year-old 5’5″ Jewish doctor! Would have been my type, too — he had a really nice voice on the phone last night, and we seemed to have a pretty decent conversation. He didn’t have a picture last night — but while we chatted online, he told me he was attractive. He typed, “You won’t be disappointed.”

I was disappointed. I was totally not attracted to him. And our lunchtime conversation was dead. Oh, well. Win some, lose some.

I’m all congesty and scratchy-throaty and stuffed up again. This is getting to be a real pain in the ass. Is it allergies? Is it a sinus infection that just won’t go away? Meanwhile, I’ve been taking Allegra D, and I think that’s what’s been causing my insomnia. I barely slept last night, and, having watched six hours of “Buffy” in a row earlier that evening, I had Buffyish hallucinations all night. I didn’t really imagine any narrative — but images of Buffy, Xander, Willow and Spike were running through my head all night. (By the way, isn’t there anyone on that show with a normal name?)

‘Tis the week of movie-going. As I said, I’ve seen “Lord of the Rings” twice now. And on Friday night, Mike and I saw “Vanilla Sky.” I liked it — but it sure was bizarre. Apparently, 2001 is the year of psychological-trauma/displaced-identity movies. That was the third one I’ve seen this year. Kind of reminds me of 1987-1988, the year of the adult/child body-switching movies: Vice Versa (Judge Reinhold switches bodies with Fred Savage), Like Father, Like Son (Dudley Moore switches bodies with Kirk Cameron), 18 Again! (George Burns switches bodies with Charlie Schlatter, yet another teenager), and, of course, Big (a boy gets put into Tom Hanks’s body). Why do these things all come out at the same time?

Tomorrow I might see “The Royal Tennenbaums.” Who knows. Christmas is a big movie day for the non-Christians.

Major Buffyness!

Anyone have the final two episodes of the fifth season of “Buffy” on tape?

In the past two days I’ve watched nine consecutive episodes from the latter half of last season, which I’d taped off FX and had been meaning to watch. (Well, almost consecutive. They didn’t show the Buffy’s Mom’s Death episode on FX because they were rebroadcasting it on UPN, and I forgot to tape it. So I still haven’t seen it.)

WOW. Damn. I haven’t seen much of the previous four seasons, but the fifth season sure rocked. Buffy and her crew went through a lot.

And when you watch a whole bunch of episodes in a row, it’s so intense and all-consuming. It surrounds you. It’s like a really long, suspenseful movie. (In the past few days my interest has shifted back and forth between Buffy and Frodo and Buffy and Frodo and Buffy and Frodo. The ring… the key… the ring… the key.)

The only problem is, apparently the final two episodes of last season aren’t in syndication yet! I know what happens at the very end, but I want to see the episodes.

So, if anyone has those episodes on tape — or the episode of Joyce’s death, even — I’d love to get a copy of ’em.

The Fellowship of the Ring

I saw “The Lord of the Rings” tonight. My review follows.

Spoilers ahead.

You’ve been warned.

Okay?

Okay.

Here we go.

I loved it.

The books are near and dear to my heart — I’ve had the books since I was a kid, and I feel like the story belongs to me. I was looking forward to this movie more than I’ve looked forward to any movie in a long, long time.

I was hoping to see at the United Artists theater just south of Union Square, because they have Dolby, THX, stadium seating, all the bells and whistles. But when I got there at 5:45 this evening, every show was sold out until 11:00. And I didn’t want to see it at 11:00. And I figured if it was sold out there, it was going to be sold out everywhere. I wanted to cry. My quest was a failure.

But then I walked up to the Clearview Cinemas in Chelsea, and they had tickets available for every show. How odd! So I bought a ticket for 7:00. No THX, but there was Dolby. No stadium seating, and I actually had to move over because a tall guy sat in front of me. But none of this hurt the movie experience for me. The theater wound up being filled, which made it feel even more like an Event.

At the beginning of the movie I had a slight headache, because one of the earpieces on my glasses had been hurting my ear all day. By the end of the movie I had even more of a headache. I don’t know if that was because of my glasses or because of the movie.

Because the movie, as much as I loved it, weighs a ton of bricks.

The film is Big and Epic and Grand. It’s definitely not subtle. At times I felt that instead of watching “The Lord of the Rings” I was watching Der Ring Des Nibelungen.

The casting was perfect. I can’t imagine anyone other than Ian McKellan playing Gandalf — well, except maybe Alec Guiness. (Which reminds me — there was a trailer for “Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones” before the movie began. The trailer received no applause and a couple of boos and hisses. “Star Wars” is so played out.)

As a purist and a stickler, I was a bit annoyed that certain parts had been left out or changed. For one thing, there was no Tom Bombadil. But the movie was already three hours long, so that would have made it even longer. And one of my favorite scenes was missing: there’s a point near the beginning where one of the Black Riders is close to finding the four hobbits, only to be interrupted by a party of travelling elves, to the wonderment and delight of Sam. That scene was missing. Also missing was the scene where the hobbits and Strider see lightning on Weathertop from far away, a scene I always found kind of eerie.

But like I said, the movie is already long. It’s VERY long. By the time the Fellowship left Rivendell it already felt like a full-length movie, but it was only a bit past the halfway point. By the end, I was waiting for it to end. And I kept expecting it to. But then they threw in Aragorn’s conversation with Boromir, and Boromir’s actual death, neither of which actually happen until the beginning of “The Two Towers.”

And Arwen came in too soon, and Sam never received the elven rope, and there was no mention of lembas, and Gollum didn’t appear as many times as he does in the book, and… but actually it was all okay.

It was all okay, because everything else was there, and Peter Jackson took his time with the things that mattered. The doorway to Moria. “Speak friend and enter.” The Mirror of Galadriel. The mountains of Caradhras. The tomb of Balin. The Balrog. Bilbo’s birthday party.

And the characters were all true to form. As I said, it was wonderfully cast, and the relationships among the characters were just as they should have been, and everyone grieved when Gandalf died. The movie may have been Big and Important, but it also had Heart in all the right places.

And the first ten or fifteen minutes, explaining the history of the Ring — superb. (But where was Déagol, Gollum’s brother, whom he kills for the Ring? Oh… never mind.)

As a piece of filmmaking it was spectacular. There were some wonderfully soaring camera shots. Isengard, from the top of Orthanc down to the bowels of the earth. The snow. The mountains. The river was beautiful. But most amazing of all was the scene at the Bridge of Khazad-Dum. HOLY FUCK! My eyes were popping out of my head, it was so incredible.

There were also some intense combat scenes. Tons of orcs. Orcs all over the place. As for the cave troll in Moria — well, he sort of looked like a cross between the Bantha (from “Return of the Jedi”) and E.T. But scary enough. Yet not as scary as that Balrog. Oh, that Balrog. DAYum.

There was one big movie cliché: when Gandalf dies, closeup on Frodo as he yells, “Noooooooooo!” I sorta coulda done without that. Kinda made me wince.

I also didn’t like the portrayal of the Black Riders at first. Book One (the first half of “The Fellowship of the Ring”) is probably my favorite of all six books; I’ve always loved the creeping horror of the Black Riders, the aloneness and helplessness of the four hobbits. I think Peter Jackson overdid the Nazgul a bit. They had these metallic boots and their horses were foaming at the mouth and it was a bit much. On the other hand, the scene at Weathertop — when they creep up over the side of the ridge — WOW! Scary as hell, just like it was supposed to be. And the bird’s-eye view of all Nine of the Nazgul chasing Arwen and Frodo on horseback — WOW! again. (Except I can’t remember if Arwen’s supposed to be in that scene or not.)

I’m not sure how the movie will go over with people who haven’t read the books. It’s certainly a lot to absorb and digest all at once. And it may seem overblown to them. But maybe not.

So. Overall, I loved it. Peter Jackson definitely did it justice. And I want to see it again.

(But next time I’ll have to make sure I don’t have a headache.)