Yeah

Yeah

He had oval wire-rimmed glasses and a trim Vandyke that made him seem both intellectual and sexy, as if he attended museum lectures and yet knew how to dance.

— Jesse Green, The Velveteen Father

Yesterday was an incredible day. We government employees had the day off for Good Friday. Earlier in the week, when the sun was shining and spring had finally sprung, I’d decided that if the weather were like that on Friday then I’d go to Central Park. Alas, the weather report said showers, but then later in the week they changed it to an early morning sprinkle followed by partly sunny weather.

Yesterday morning it was cloudy and dreary and I did laundry. But it was warm out, so after my clothes were clean I decided it was decent enough to go to Central Park.

When I left my apartment around 1 in the afternoon, it was still cloudy except for a few patches of blue sky. I went to the PATH station and then switched at the World Trade Center to the subway. When I emerged from its neutral depths, at 81st Street and Central Park West, I was hit by the blazing sun. The sky was deep blue! Not a single cloud! It was warm! I smiled. I crossed the street to Central Park and walked through the park and I was still smiling. I must have looked like Mary Tyler Moore or something. I was so happy. Ecstatic even.

I found a grassy area, relaxed, did some writing about the surroundings and the sights; excerpts are in my previous entry. Had a wonderful, wonderful afternoon. It just felt so natural to be sitting out there in the sun. This is what humans are supposed to do. How the heck did we get through the winter? It just feels so normal, so right to be in the sun on a temperate day. Our species evolved on this planet, of course, we matured under the sun, we absorb the sun’s energy like plants do, don’t we? The sun is our friend. The sun is our partner. The sun is our fuckbuddy. Love the sun.

And the weather was perfect. I even got a little sunburned.

I thought about going to Beth Simchat Torah, the gay and lesbian synagogue, for Friday night Shabbat services, but instead I came home and figured I’d settle in for a boring night. But you know what’s fun? When you have absolutely no plans but you unexpectedly wind up having a great evening with a friend. My friend Nick had left a message, and I called him back, and we wound up going bar-hopping in the East Village. The East Village bars are my new playground, I think.

I ate dinner and showered and changed and met up with him, and we went to Wonderbar. I know, I always seem to mention Wonderbar, but that’s because it’s such a fun place. Small and crowded and filled with a diverse, good-looking, no-attitude, East Villagey crowd.

I was pumped. I felt so amazingly good about myself and the way I looked. My goatee is about a week and half old and it’s grown in nicely. On top of that I was wearing my glasses, oval and wire-rimmed frames. The coup de grace was a clingy black t-shirt, tucked into a pair of jeans. Before I left my apartment, I looked at myself in the mirror. Damn, I thought. I look good. I’d fuck me.

Nick had never been to Wonderbar, and he wound up having a great time, which made me feel good. He’s kinda quirky and ornery and doesn’t like most bars, but he liked this place. We both got drunk, we both got hit on. All in a night’s work.

At one point I was using the bathroom, and I looked at myself in the mirror and was shocked. Who is this guy with the tight black shirt and the goatee and glasses? Is that really me? Do I know this guy?

I didn’t feel like myself. I was moving through the crowd like I owned the place. I felt confident and sexy and attractive and just damn good about how I looked and who I was. The goatee is the x-factor in my life. It makes me feel more secure, like less of a sheltered kid, like less of a nerd, it gives me an air of mystery.

After three and a half hours at Wonderbar, Nick and I left. We walked west along 6th Street at 3:00 in the morning, both of us drunk and yammering incoherently with each other, two drunk friends making no sense but on top of the world. Nick stopped to piss at a payphone. Then we walked again. Then we parted ways and I came home.

What a great day, what a great night. They don’t mass-produce ’em like this. Days like this are a rarity, each one fashioned painstakingly by hand out of tempered glass, each one lavished with care. You can’t buy days like this in bulk. When you come across one, appreciate it.

Scenes from Central Park on a Day Off from Work

Scenes from Central Park on a Day Off from Work

(excerpts transcribed from my notebook)

2:20 pm

I’m in Central Park and it’s gorgeous out! I have the day off. This is glorious. I’m in an undershirt and jeans. It’s bright and sunny and warm… I’m in rapture. On top of that, a cutie just sat down nearby on this area of grass. I was going to sit on the Great Lawn but it’s not open for the season yet, so here I am.

I feel like I’m back at UVA… all week, through the sun on Monday and the rain and crap the rest of the week, I missed UVA. Longed for the Lawn. I’d open up the RotundaCam and want to bawl.

I’m in awe of the cutie. He’s sort of a punk/skater-looking guy. He’s lying on his back smoking a cigarette. Maybe 19 or 20. Navy blue t-shirt, gray pants, his shoes and socks are off.

God, this feels foreign. The weather. We’re all on another planet. We’re all giddy, we don’t know what to do with ourselves.

I want to fall in love. This is how I want my summer to be. I meet someone at the party next weekend. We start dating. It’s instant love. Every weekend we come to Central Park with some sunblock and some books and we chill out and read and talk and look around and wander through each other’s minds. He has a goatee, he’s a total top or total bottom, or neither actually, I just like the phrase “total bottom.” We spend entire weekends together. We spend the afternoon in the park and stay here in the park until it gets twilight. Then we go back to his place, have sex, change, go out. We go out to eat and then we go to bar, a club, wherever. We enjoy ourselves, we enjoy each other.

I need a bathroom. Time to get up.

5:55 pm

On the grass, across from the back of the Metropolitan Museum of Art

A shirtless guy several feet from me, his back to me, he’s sitting, his arms are around his knees, causing his skin to stretch taut across his back muscles, his smooth skin so close I can almost imagine myself licking it with my tongue…

Two straight guys, one tall, wearing roller blades, accentuating his calves as roller blades always do, wearing dark blue athletic shorts and a dark blue backwards baseball cap with a white Y on it… bends over to tighten a shoe and I want to fuck him, right there…

Dark-haired young guy in jeans and white undershirt, sideburns, nice teeth, cute, sitting right behind me…

Group of Asian guys and an Asian girl, all in tanktops, throwing a white volleyball, loud and fun and muscled Asians…

People lying down and stretching their body parts after a run… half the yuppies in Manhattan jogging past…

Random Stargazing II

Random Stargazing II

Two nights after GG “Why is this night different from all other nights?” Woo ran into someone from Queer as Folk, so did I! Tonight, CanadaGirl and I were walking down Avenue A, on the way from Phoenix to Wonderbar, and we saw Randy Harrison, a.k.a. Justin. Just like ClosetBoy did last month in Toronto! He walked past us with three or four adolescent-looking girls. I didn’t even realize it until CanadaGirl pointed it out to me. So I turned around and saw the back of this short blond guy. “No,” I said to her. “Are you sure?” So of course I had to change our plans and walk back, quickly, to get closer and see if it really was him. We surreptitiously caught up with them while they waited at a “Don’t Walk” sign (definitely not New Yorkers), and I nonchalantly glanced over, and yup, it was Justin.

CanadaGirl and I went into Starlight, and Justin and his entourage got on some line at the place next door, where there must have been some band playing. Starlight was practically empty, so we left and started walking back toward Wonderbar, and we realized that they had left the line and were walking back in the same direction we were. But eventually we lost them. Oh, well.