Crunch!

Rarely do I enthuse about a candy bar, but I love the new Snickers Cruncher^TM (visit the website, and watch what happens to your browser). This thing has the crunchy texture of a Nestle Crunch bar (it’s got that crispy rice), it’s chocolatey with a little peanut buttery taste added, and it’s almost as thick as a Snickers bar. Yumm. If I didn’t have such high metabolism, I’d be a blimp. (Fortunately, I have high metabolism, which is why I can eat what I want and still weigh a svelte 125 pounds, to go with my height of 5’6″.)

Diff’rent Strokes

Nick at Nite has added Diff’rent Strokes to its lineup. Since I’ve been at my parents’ house for the last few nights, I’ve been able to watch cable TV, so I caught last night’s episode, which happened to be the very first one, from 1978. I’d never seen this episode. Some thoughts:

— It was weird to see Mrs. Garrett before she met Jo, Blair, Natalie and Tootie.

— It was unsettling to see Dana Plato alive.

— It was more unsettling to see Mr. Drummond encourage the two young boys to use his hot tub. See, the premise of the series is that Arnold and Willis are the young sons of Mr. Drummond’s former housekeeper, who, on her deathbed, asked him to take care of her two boys. Arnold and Willis are from Harlem, and rich middle-aged white guy Mr. Drummond owns a “de-luxe apartment in the sky” — wait, wrong series — he owns a duplex penthouse in the sky — and he takes them in as his own sons. Toward the middle of the episode, he shows them the hot tub, tells them how great it is, and says they’re always welcome to use it. Um, hmm. Then, later in the episode, there’s a surprise delivery of a whole bunch of toys to make the boys happy, including a live pony. Arnold is enthusiastic about living there, but older brother Willis isn’t, because he says they belong in Harlem, and he accuses Mr. Drummond of trying to buy their love. He says he’s not trying to buy their love — he just wants them to be happy.

By the end of the episode, Willis seems to have changed his mind, because Mr. Drummond finds him soaking in the hot tub. Mr. Drummond kneels down, leans in close, and tells Willis he’s glad he’s decided to stay. Then Arnold, in his tightie-whities, runs into the room and jumps into the hot tub too. Arnold and Willis move close to the edge of the tub so Mr. Drummond can hug the two wet, shirtless young boys and kiss them on the cheek. End of episode.

Maybe there’s something wrong with me, but I just found this all a tad bit creepy.

Some Possible Slogans for This Blog

10. Stay for the content. Leave because there’s no fucking design.

9. The Tin Man: 100 percent recyclable.

8. Angsting daily since 1973.

7. The Tin Man: Because I can’t focus on my work.

6. Apophantics.

5. The Tin Man: Because lead is poisonous.

4. Pre-surfing life for anxiety so you don’t have to.

3. We make butter the old fashioned way: we churn it.

2. All your bases have become our property.

1. The Tin Man: Oil me.

Some Signs You’ve Been Blogging Too Much

10. Your dog is named BlogSpot.

9. You choose a certain course of action just so you can blog about it afterward.

8. You get an uncontrollable urge to BlogThis!^TM, even though you’re nowhere near a computer.

7. You give out your blog’s address to strangers at parties.

6. You blog at work.

5. When someone asks if you’d like to see a movie, you say, “That’d be bloggerrific!”

4. You start to tell your therapist about something and then you say, “Oh, just read my blog.”

3. You won’t be friends with someone unless they have a blog.

2. You accidentally address someone by the name you’ve given that person in your blog.

1. You think “Doogie Howser” would have been better if he’d just blogged everything.