Author Archives: Tin Man

Louis Menand

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It is 2:30 a.m. of a Monday, spring semester, 1983. Things are looking extremely good. Forty-eight hours of high-intensity stack work and some inspired typing have produced the thirty-page final paper for Modern European History (Mr. Blague, MW 9-10) that you were supposed to be working on all semester but that an unfortunate dispute involving a car, which, as you have repeatedly pointed out, really wasn’t in such good shape when you borrowed it, has prevented you from giving the time and attention you sincerely intended.

Please read Louis Menand’s review of the new edition of The Chicago Manual of Style, which appears in this week’s New Yorker and is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read in that magazine.

Bah

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Here’s a completely valueless op-ed by Gary Bauer in today’s Washington Post, railing against court-“imposed” gay marriage. (As if courts will force heterosexuals to marry people of the same sex.) The piece contains not a single substantive argument against gay marriage itself, nor does it explain why gay marriage is a “threat” to traditional marriage. It just makes these assumptions. Same old crap. Then again, who’d expect substantive arguments to work in a country where approximately half the electorate supports George W. Bush?

His arguments against federalizing marriage are easily refutable. He states that “in 1862 Congress passed the Morrill Act prohibiting plural marriages throughout the western territories.” Yeah, but federal territories were under the control of Congress. Territories, not states. “In order to join the Union, Utah had to write into its state constitution a prohibition against polygamous unions.” But we’re not talking about polygamy, we’re talking about letting two people who love each other solidify their ties. “Second [um… third?], in 1996, Congress passed the federal Defense of Marriage Act, whereby Congress defined marriage in federal law as the union of one man and one woman.” Yeah, and when did the Supreme Court rule this was constitutional?

Keep yourselves alert.

Potential

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In order to make up for recent troubles, I was almost aggressively social last night. I had planned to attend a gay men’s coffee night, but when I got home from work I was too tired to go. Then I decided that my happiness, and perhaps my sanity, hinged on my attending. So I changed my clothes, put in my contact lenses, and made myself go.

I’m so glad I went. There were maybe 30 gay men there, hanging out on couches and sitting on chairs in the back of a coffee bar, talking and joking around in small groups. Most of them I recognized from previous events. And I found myself turning on the charm, making conversation, searching for various ins. I was socializing as if my life depended on it. Social adrenaline, perhaps. I’m often shy, but my shyness disappeared out of necessity.

At one point I went to use the restroom. I looked in the mirror and I was happy with what I saw.

I wound up being one of the last people in the group to stick around. Everyone had left except six of us, and we just stood there in a small circle, talking about kosher slaughtering methods, Port Authority urinals, Italy, and so on. One of the guys was really cute. I think he thought I was, too. I wound up handing out my card to everyone. Eventually, we all left the coffeeshop and continued talking out on the sidewalk. Then we finally parted ways. As we did, the cute guy gave me a hug and told me it was really nice to meet me. That doesn’t necessarily mean anything special, but in any case it was gratifying to hear.

As I walked back to the PATH station in the chilly autumn night air, I felt a rush of energy. I felt great; it was one of the best social events I’d been to in ages.

This morning I looked in the mirror and I thought, wow. You. Have. Great. Eyes.

And cute lips.

And a nice nose.

And a full head of dark hair.

We’ve all got untapped potential. Last night, I rediscovered mine.