A Gay Archbishop Responds to the Vatican. Well written.

The first mainstream newspaper piece I’ve seen that discusses blogs without first defining them.

Cool.
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Last night was a good night.

I bought new pillows for my bed. I bought them at Sears. I’m a five-minute walk from a shopping mall. I bought two Extra Firm pillows, because I’m a side sleeper, and according to the packaging, side sleepers need Extra Firm pillows. After picking out my pillows, I got on line. There were four people ahead of me and three people behind me. There was only one cashier and she was slow as hell. A couple of managers walked past but of course they didn’t do anything. Finally I said, loudly, “You’d think that in this economy where people are trying find work, they’d be able to hire more people.” The other customers agreed. So did the cashier, and she said that someone had called in sick. Anyway, I have two nice new pillows.

After buying my pillows I went to Mrs. Fields and bought an Elmo cookie. Also a chocolate chip cookie.

Then I went home and had a nice phone call. During the call, a recipe for 72 cookies was discussed.

Then I finished watching a bizarre Alfred Hitchcock movie, during which “coffee and blueberry muffins” kept coming up.

There seemed to be a sweets motif last night, but that’s not a surprise. After all, I’m a guy who can be distracted from a conversation by the sight of delicious-looking cupcakes in a store window. I have a very sweet tooth.

Conversation, cookies, movies, and pillows. Talking, eating, vegging, and sleeping.

What more can you ask for, really?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Also a lot of feeling. And I’ve decided I want to write more openly and honestly about my life here again. Perhaps not all the time. But I’ve had a lot going on with me lately, and I need to write about it. Besides, one of the best things about blogging has been the opportunity to connect with other people, and sharing intimate aspects of my life has always helped make those connections a little bit stronger. I’ve been hesitant to be completely open here these last few months, but I’ve been told that I shouldn’t have to censor myself. So I won’t.

I’ve had my heart broken recently. It hurts, and it sucks. I fell for him hard, and despite three months of his vacillation and mixed messages, my feelings didn’t go away. I wish they had. It probably wasn’t all about him; I’m sure it had something to do with my own psychology as well. Who knows why we fall for the people we do?

I’m trying to move on. I met someone last night, in fact. With the amount of online flirtation beforehand, it could probably be classified as a date, although I find the “date” concept to be murky these days. He was intelligent, much cuter than I’d expected, funny, and — an added bonus — Jewish, which, although not necessarily a requirement for me, is a really big plus. We talked over drinks for two hours, and I wound up going home with him. I don’t necessarily think it’s great to have sex with a guy on the first date, but my horniness often gets the better of me, unless there’s an internal or external countervailing force. There being no countervailing force, I went home with him and stayed overnight. We do want to see each other again. In fact, this was originally going to be a blog entry about whether it’s a dealbreaker if you have sex with a guy on the first date, but as you can see, there was more that I wanted to write about.

I’m still trying to figure out if I can be friends with the guy who broke my heart. I was just discussing it with a friend of mine, and the friend pointed out that even if we weren’t technically dating, it really is like a breakup from my point of view. There are feelings, there are wounds that need to heal, and that is not something that happens instantly. I can’t necessarily just pick up and start over with him, lickety-split. Also — and I hope he understands this — part of me is still angry at him for not returning my feelings. I know it’s not rational to simultaneously miss someone and be angry at him, but by definition emotions aren’t rational, and I think it’s normal to feel this way, particularly when the feelings were so strong.

I know (and I should remind myself) that I have lots of great qualities. I’m thoughtful, I’m emotionally perceptive, I’m caring, I’m intelligent, I’m cute (and have been described by several people as “adorable”), I have a 29-inch waist, I’m an excellent kisser, and I’m quite good in bed. With all of that going for me, I’m going to make someone really happy someday.

I’ve had my heart broken before, and I’ve always moved on eventually, even if it’s always taken some time.

So it’s not necessarily going to be easy, or quick.

But eventually, I will feel better.