The Case Against Alberto Gonzales: I, II, III. John Dean: “Frankly, I have a degree of sympathy for Alberto Gonzales, who I suspect is a terrific Texas real estate attorney.”

Tonight’s “Smallville,” on which Lex Luthor is getting ready to marry Lana Lang:

Lex: I don’t know if I can wait. How about we just run off and elope?

Lana: That would be a big waste of 400 gay men.

At which point Matt turns to me and says, “What did she just say??”

“A waste of 400 GAME HENS,” I reply. He’d heard wrong.

“Oh!” he said. “I was going to say, that’s quite a wedding if it takes 400 gay men to pull it off.”

I swear, Matt and his hearing sometimes.

Servicemembers Legal Defense Network to Joint Chiefs Chairman Peter Pace: Apologize for remarks about gay people.

I’m skeptical of calls for an apology. What good is an apology from Pace if he hasn’t changed his views? His apology would be worthless. Gay servicemembers don’t need an apology. They need a new policy. (That’s kinda catchy: “No apology! New policy!”)

I’ll admit, I also thought to myself: does the SLDN’s call for an apology make gay soldiers seem weak? After all, if you can’t deal with an offensive remark, how can you possibly deal with being shot at?

But this isn’t about insulting an individual. This is about denigrating an entire group of American citizens, in and out of the military. The call for an apology is a reminder that gay people have dignity. It wouldn’t be okay for Pace to make similar comments about Jews or blacks; it’s not okay to say them about gays, either.

But an apology? An apology is a nicety. It’s etiquette. Screw etiquette. People have been polite to gays to their face and then bad-mouthing them behind their backs for years. That doesn’t help anyone.

We don’t need an apology. We need a change in attitude. Who the hell is Peter Pace to judge us? He isn’t a god. He shouldn’t act like one.

We don’t need to put up with this crap in 2007. From anyone.