An obnoxious letter appears in the most recent issue of the UVA Alumni News magazine, which I received in the mail today:

Content Questioned

It would seem there is a disturbing trend of pro-gay advocacy in Alumni News. In the class notes section, which I always look forward to reading, I was disturbed to read a proud “new parents” announcement of a girl to a pair of men.

Some on your editorial staff may think that this is progressive, politically correct and reflective of changing attitudes toward the family and marriage. To me, it is an insult to the core of society: the family. In the sad wake of the sexual revolution, there is already tons of data by sociologists that children raised in a home with a mother and father with whom they have a biological connection are the most stable, and less likely to fall into adolescent delinquency, substance abuse, teenage sex, etc. If the aim of the University is to serve society, then we need to foster an environment that helps strong citizens to grow and develop, and not just benchmark the steps taken by different persons as if any choice is equivalent.

I ask you if it is reasonable to endorse with normalcy the actions of a fringe of people that affect the foundations of society.

Barbara Ellen Spencer (Col ’83)
New Delhi, India

This makes me so angry. I’ve written the following letter, which I might e-mail to her. I think I need to sleep on it first. [Update: I emailed it to her and to the alumni magazine this morning.]

Dear Ms. Spencer:

I was greatly angered and offended by your shameful letter in the most recent issue of the UVA Alumni News.

How dare you, Ms. Spencer. How dare you exploit one family’s moment of joy as a soapbox for your own political concerns. Exactly who do you think you are?

I assume that you’re an expatriate and that India is not your home country. I would expect someone who lives outside one’s own country to be tolerant of the different types of people in this world – to be able to see the world through the eyes of someone other than yourself. But apparently that’s not the case.

It’s strange that you would see an adoption announcement by two men as an example of “pro-gay advocacy.” There are marriage and birth announcements in newspapers and magazines all over the world every day; should these be taken as examples of “pro-heterosexual advocacy”? No; they are simply a result of people wanting to share their joy with the world. Rather than trying to be “progressive, politically correct and reflective of changing attitudes toward the family and marriage,” it’s more likely that the alumni magazine merely received a notice of a family’s adoption and did what they would normally do – they printed it.

Your letter implies that children raised by same-sex couples are more likely than other children to “fall into adolescent delinquency, substance abuse, teenage sex, etc.” Funny – it’s always seemed to me that suburban teenagers from happy heterosexual two-parent families have no problem becoming delinquent, abusing substances, or engaging in sex. I’m not sure what studies you’re referring to, but for every study you cite, there’s another study showing that children raised in same-sex-parent households grow up to be just as healthy as children raised by parents of different genders.

Your statement that a “fringe of people [can] affect the foundations of society” is paradoxical and epitomizes the paranoia of those who, frightened by anything that seems different to them, exaggerate perceived threats. How can such a “fringe group” as gays and lesbians, who likely make up, at most, five to six percent of the population, have such a deep effect on society as you claim they do? You’re merely using gays as a scapegoat for the numerous problems that exist in American society today.

I fail to see anything about being raised in a same-sex-parent household that gets in the way of becoming a “strong citizen” who can “grow and develop.” On the contrary, it seems to me that you’re the one who has some growing and developing to do.

In your letter, you state that the adoption announcement is an “insult to the core of society: the family.” On the contrary, Ms. Spencer: your letter is an insult to me and the millions of gay men and lesbians in the world who are trying to form our own families and live our own lives just as everyone else in the world does, with all the daily challenges and triumphs this entails.

The male couple’s adoption announcement to which you refer is not an insult to “the family.” No, Ms. Spencer: your letter is an insult to their family.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Sincerely,
Jeff XXXXX
CLAS ’95, LAW ’99

We’re back from Chicago. We had a good time, although we didn’t get to do as much as I would have liked. We were in town (along with my parents, my brother and his fianceée) for the wedding of a family friend, which occupied us on Friday and Saturday nights, and our hotel was right near O’Hare, about a 45-minute ride from the Loop on the blue line. So we only had all day Saturday to spend in the city.

First we went to Millennium Park, where we took a photo of our reflection in the Cloud Gate sculpture. Then we walked down to the Art Institute, where we sought out Seurat’s Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte (I could practically hear Mandy Patinkin singing as we stood in front of it) and Edward Hopper’s Nighthawks, in addition to wandering our way through much of the museum’s collection. But the very first exhibit we saw was the collection of Thorne Miniature Rooms, which I first saw ten years ago and is one of my favorite museum exhibits anywhere. (Here are someone’s photos of them that I found on Flickr; here’s someone’s photo from farther away.)

After we left the museum we didn’t know what to do. I wouldn’t have minded walking up Michigan Avenue and maybe going up to the top of the Hancock Center, but I did that 10 years ago and Matt didn’t want to do it. So I suggested we check out Boystown, the gay neighborhood, but because we’d planned poorly and I hadn’t bought a guidebook or done much research beforehand, I decided I wanted to find a bookstore so we could do some research for free. We soon stumbled upon Borders on State Street (right by the Ford Center, where Ana Gasteyer is currently starring in Wicked; we wished we’d gotten tickets for a Saturday matinee). I figured out how to get to Boystown, so we took the red line up to the Addison stop and walked over to North Halstead.

Halstead was pretty empty, except for the occasional boy-boy couple walking along. We soon found Gaymart, a store I immediately fell in love with. It has an amazing collection of action figures, including famous historical figures (how cool would it be to have Male Nurse, Oscar Wilde and Pope Innocent III go on an adventure?) and a “Crisis on Infinite Earths” collection, which practically made me explode in excitement.

We walked past Sidetracks and a few other bars/clubs, but as it was 3:30 on a Saturday afternoon they seemed mostly empty or closed. We continued walking until we got to Belmont, where we went back over to the train and then headed back to the Loop. After having a little snack it was time to head back out to the hotel for the wedding.

So, although we could have planned things better, it was a nice day. And it was great to get away for the weekend, spend a little time with the family, and go to a wedding of an old family friend.

Our next trip is coming up in less than two weeks – we’re going to Montreal for my brother’s engagement party. (His fiancée is from there.) I’ve never been to Canada, and I hear Montreal is great. We’ll probably have more time to see some sights, and we’ll definitely plan better this time.

Today we fly to Chicago. It turns out we won’t get to see much of the actual city – the accommodations, and the wedding we’re going to, are at a hotel near the airport. But at the very least, we do plan to go to the Chicago Art Institute on Saturday, and we’ll see what else we feel like doing in the time we have.

Enjoy your weekends!