General | The Tin Man

When I resumed blogging nearly two years ago, I promised myself I was never going to write anything mopey.

But I can’t help it. I’m feeling mopey.

Between the Celexa and Matt, my life is much better and much less neurotic than it used to be. This is very good. Excellent, even.

But it also means there’s less dramatic stuff for me to write about. And having less dramatic stuff to write about makes my blog less interesting to read.

It could be that back in the first go-round of my blog, I enjoyed exploiting the dramatic aspects of my life — the sex, the dating, the self-esteem issues, the self-doubt — in order to keep people coming back for more. And since then, I’ve learned better, and I haven’t wanted to sacrifice my sanity for the sake of popularity. So I don’t open myself up here as much as I used to.

But perhaps less chaos in my life doesn’t have to mean less interesting writing. I could still write interesting stuff, and still open myself up a bit, without exploiting myself in the process.

But there’s really something else going on here.

Okay, here’s the thing. The thing is, there’s this whole circle of gay New York bloggers now, and I barely know any of them. A few years back, there was this little group of homo bloggers, and I hung out with them every so often. But now there’s this whole other group of homo New York bloggers, and I don’t know them, and I don’t think they know me, but I want to know them, and I want them to know me. I want to, like, get invited to stuff and know what’s going on and all of that. I’m wondering if there’s something wrong with me.

I wanna hang out with, and be one of, the cool kids. And it’s bumming me out a little that I’m not.

That’s all, I guess.

The Tin Man

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