Complaints to the Management
1) It’s hot and humid out.
2) I called the Division of Law this morning to find out why I haven’t received a hiring decision in the mail yet, and it turns out that there are rumors of a hiring freeze. I might not get a decision for another two or three weeks. And my last day of work at my current job is August 17. I could wind up having no job a month from now. Or what if I get hired but I get put in Trenton? I have no luck when it comes to finding jobs. I have a LAW DEGREE FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA and I practically live in NEW YORK CITY and nobody ever seems to want to hire me, and I never know where to send my resumé. I’m going to be poor for the rest of my life and I’m never going to make anything of myself. Yeah, I can write, but I’m lazy.
3) Yesterday I got an e-mail from Yale Boy, asking me how my Fourth of July was and suggesting we get together for coffee sometime. Cool, I thought. So last night I called him and we talked for a little. I have plans tomorrow and Thursday, so I suggested Friday night. He responded, “Well, I was planning to go out on Friday night, and I kind of meant this as a weekday kind of thing.” What the heck does that mean? I’m not good enough for a weekend? Is there some sort of hierarchy? It feels like something out of “Seinfeld.” Anyway, it made me feel like crap.
4) Last night I got together for coffee with the tall red-haired guy. He’s someone I hooked up with about a month ago. I ran into him on the street over the weekend and he suggested we get together for coffee, so we did. He’s 29 years old and he just moved out of Manhattan and bought a place in Jersey City. He knows how to put down wood flooring. Not me. He seems world-capable. Not me. I told him I hoped to move to Manhattan, and he told me it requires a salary of $100,000 to live in Manhattan. With his words he caused me to realize how poor I am and how empty my life feels. He seemed kind of judgmental, to be honest. Didn’t seem to be much of a positive thinker. On top of that, no sex happened afterwards. At the time I was kind of disappointed, but in retrospect maybe that was a good thing. I should stop having sex when what I really want from someone is emotional intimacy.
5) Lately I’ve been reconsidering the idea of playwriting. I took a playwriting course in college. I’m very good at writing dialogue but I know nothing about structure or ideas and I wouldn’t know what to write about. And last night I went to Barnes & Noble and browsed through the drama section. And I thought, there’s so much competition out there. What the hell do I know? People with more talent than me write plays that never even get produced. And when they do get produced they get savaged by critics. And even if they don’t get savaged by critics, people enjoy them and then move on to the next guy’s play. So what’s the point in trying to write one? Especially when I don’t even feel like I have the talent?
6) This morning I accidentally swallowed half a mouthful of sour milk.
If that’s all it takes to illuminate the emptiness in your life, sweetie, you need to shore up the insides of your head a little. Red-haired guy is right — if this new job doesn’t pay very well, you’re going to need to find a roommate and squeeze into cramped quarters if Manhattan’s what you want. You’re already having trouble meeting your current rent, in case you’ve forgotten.
I’d also suggest that you check into other options tootsweet — look into temp work for the interim if the hiring freeze is very temporary, and look into other jobs (legal secretary, mayhap?) if the wait is going to be indefinite.
And Yale Boy doesn’t sound like he’s out of line to me. Don’t overanalyze — if he didn’t consider you worth his time, he certainly wouldn’t have squandered a weekday on you. Weekend dates can sometimes get by just on the fact that it’s a weekend and you’re both relieved to be free, but weekday dates require genuine interest to succeed. His weekend was booked already, that’s all.