Jewish Lesbian Rock!
My busy social week continues. Last night I went to this thing called Pub Night with Mike and our mutual friends Dan and Russ. We all started out with a bunch of people at this bar called Fiddlesticks and then made our own way down to the Duplex. Nice time. Intelligent company. Beer. Music. Good.
As for tonight, tonight was Gay Jewish Night.
I went to this little meeting at this gay-friendly synagogue on the Upper West Side. It was a meeting to figure out how the gay wing of the synagogue can better serve its gay members. More beer, and also pizza, all free. A gab-fest. About 25 Jewish gay people of all ages. A gorgeous young rabbi. Entertainment by these two Jewish lesbian rockers who call themselves Estrogen. I swear. These two lesbians got up at the front of the room with guitars and did a few little folky Indigo-Girlish numbers, albeit explicitly lesbianish. It was like being at lesbian summer camp. And we were a room mostly full of men.
During the pizza-‘n’-beer mingling, I was talking with this one guy. After a while, he asked me, “Are you Tin Man?”
Oh, jeez.
I confessed. I said, “Yup… so I assume you read my site, or you used to read it until you got tired of it, or something…”
He seemed a little confused, and then he said his name, and I realized that he didn’t know my website at all. He knew me from a gay chatroom, in which I also use the name Tin Man. Creative of me, huh?
So he probably had no idea what I was talking about.
Anyway, he was uber-Jewish and so forth. And knew a lot more about Judaism than I do. He’s a grad student at the Jewish Theological Seminary, which would explain it.
You know what? I’m not sure what kind of religion I want in a guy. I don’t know if I want a Jewish guy, even. I don’t know. I think I basically want someone who’s religion-neutral. I could do without someone who’s going to drag me to Shabbat services all the time. You know what? Gay Jews can be pushy. Especially New York gay Jews. What a combination. I don’t want a pushy activist boyfriend.
Okay, so here I go, stereotyping my own sexual orientation and ethnic group and geographic locale all at the same time. Could I be any more awful?
What a great story!
First–you are not the only Jewish guy in New York that is questioning whether he wants another Jewish guy, and whether it may even be a negative. I just had this discussion with another friend by e-mail last week. So be assured you’re not alone. :-)
That said, Jews come in many flavors–maybe not quite as many as Baskin Robbins ice cream, but close. I, for one, consider myself a “secular Jew.” This means that religion takes a cultural/family place, not a religious one, in my life. I’d never miss a Passover seder. But I haven’t been to temple in two years.
Judaism, like any religion, rests on a certain set of values that *may*–but does not always–make it easier to connect with someone. But in reality, who knows? I’ve never been interested in anyone who is Jewish (the question always comes up later, not first), and maybe that’s partially because of looks, too. Right now, for me, the issue is simply irrelevant. I can’t guarantee that it will always be.
My guess is that the people who go to these Jewish-defined events will be more “activist” than the usual pool of New York Jews. Just a guess, though. And, I’d be interested in some empirical data as to whether the religion requirement (for any religion, for that matter) becomes more important as one gets a bit older.
Well now, at 57 I didn’t expect to see me doing this! But being English, brought up ‘Church of England’ the answer to your question, for me, is NO – less important. God is some huge life force far greater than anything we can imagine. It’s an IT, un-namable and certainly hasn’t got some human form. Respect it, acknowledge it, but don’t worship it. All the rest, the old Testament/New Testament must be just fairy tales. Call me a fatalist but what will be, will be. Anyway, that’s how I feel.
I was lazy last night and didn’t explain too well what was on my mind.
I guess for me the question is how important my religion is to my life. Like you, Russ, I see my Judaism as more of a cultural/family thing, although probably with a smidge more of the religious aspect. The High Holidays, Passover, Chanukkah — all are important to me. But I rarely seem to observe any of the other holidays, and I don’t go to weekly services.
What’s weird is that although I’m often turned off by people who are way more intensely Jewish than I am, I get really angry when someone disses Judaism.
I guess basically I want someone who’s going to respect my religious choices, and whose own religious choices are not going to clash too much with mine.
But who knows. Exploration exploration exploration.
As far as looks — there are definitely lots of hot Jews, as well as unattractive Jews, just as with any ethnic group.
I think it’s easier dating (getting involved beyond a mere fuck) a jew for the mere fact that, generally speaking, they most probably hold the same values as yourself and have somewhat similiar life-experiences.
I think it’s also better to date only jews for this same reason, as it helps re-enforce and re-affirm those values.
They’ve lasted a long time, through plague, war, famine, and will through a whole lost worse… no reason to ignore them at this modern juncture.
It also makes the holidays a lot simpler too.
.rob