I’ve been having major body-image issues lately. It all started late last summer, at age 30, when I realized that I’d begun to gain a little weight for the first time in my life. My jeans were suddenly too snug, and some of my underwear was not fitting quite as comfortably as it used to. Then, on Sunday, when we were out to dinner with family, I was wearing a tight-fitting Polo shirt, and my brother patted my stomach and said, “What’s going on there?” Sure enough, there is a little bit of a belly there. Not much, but more than I used to have.
What’s worse, now that the weather is hot, there are guys walking around everywhere with well-developed bodies. Biceps and triceps and chests, oh my. It makes me feel worse.
I’m not sure if I can convey how foreign this is to me. I’ve always been slim. Always. I’d read articles about people trying to lose weight and I’d laugh inwardly. Thank god I’ll never have to worry about that, I’d think. My dad is on the husky side, but while we have very similar faces, our bodies were always different. My brother’s body took after his, but mine took after my grandfather’s lean frame. I could eat whatever I wanted, barely exercise, and not have to worry about a thing. I figured I’d always be immune. Slim was part of who I was.
That’s why it’s so strange to stand in front of the bathroom mirror these days, look at my shirtless body sideways, and see a bit more than I’d like. It’s like I’m not me anymore. I’m someone else.
I have horrific visions of it getting worse as I get older. I’ll blimp out until I’m not only short but fat, too. In ten years I could be short, fat and middle aged.
That’s why I have to stop this now. When Matt and I move next month, we’ll have discount access to the nearby YMCA, and I’m going to start doing cardio activities. Exercise bike, stairmaster, treadmill. Ideally I’d like to lift weights, too, and tone my body up, but I find exercise incredibly boring. I’ve never been able to keep at a routine for more than a week. So I’m going to start easy. No weights. Just 30-45 minutes of cardio, three times a week. That should be enough to help me return to my formerly svelte self, right?
Otherwise, I’m going to change my name and enter the Federal Witness Protection Program. A witness to my own weight increase. He saw things that were never meant to be seen…
This is just not who I am. I want to be me again. The me I’ve always known.
I am sooooo there with you. I’ve always been a beanpole. Then last year my acupuncturist described my build as “fleshy,” and I went…huh? But I looked in the mirror and was like, hmmm…yeah! And everything is tight. I’ve got a spare tire that would fit on a heavy-duty mountain bike, if not a semi-truck, yet. Right now I’m chalking it up to having been seriously depressed for two years. But still I need more aerobic activity. : (
Hee hee. This also happened to me once I moved back home, where I was fed several times daily without having a physically demanding job to keep the weight down. The process has slowed since I’ve had to start buying my own food, but the weight remains.
Once you’re about thirty, I don’t think you can count on your body to behave rationally anymore.
“That should be enough to help me return to my formerly svelte self, right?”
No, it won’t. Do all the cardio you want, but you’ll have to eat better/differently, and it’s simply because of your age. Which totally blows. Sorry.
I crept up from 165 to 185, until I suddenly realized I was looking doughy. I did South Beach (which is easy, and healthy, incidentally) and got back to 165. It’s weird and great to have jeans be too big for me now.
The YMCA will almost certainly have group exercise classes, which take a lot of the boredom out of lifting weights. Give those a shot before you give up on weights entirely.
And hey, you can lift weights and do cardio even in the Federal Witness Protection Program.
Actually, the more I think about it, the more appealing an idea that is. Get fit and run away from all my problems . . .
Well when I hit 30 the same thing happened to me. Over the last 10 years I’ve gained 20 pounds. I hate going to the gym by myself, so there hasn’t been much effort to lose my little belly. Guys still like me though.
Got to agree with John. What you eat (perhaps more than how much) counts for alot.
“…horrific visions….enter the Federal Witness Protection Program….I want to be me again. The me I’ve always known.”
Have you any idea how deeply insulting and offensive this is to those of us who ARE on the heavy side?
I’m all for people wanting to stay fit and trim; it’s a good thing yada yada yada. But a few extra pounds don’t change who you are. It’s depressing to see how thoroughly American culture — gay male culture, in particular — has given in to the notion that you’re only worthwhile as long as you’re thin and beautiful.
Honey, welcome to being married and middle-aged. Enjoy it for what it is. Could be worse.
Keith, give the guy a break. He’s not saying that fat people are unattractive or stupid. He’s merely saying that his body is going through changes and he’d prefer to keep the body style to which he’d become accustomed and realizing that that is going to take some work now.
Exactly, Jere. Keith, I mean no insult to overweight people. I’m not going to tell people how to live their lives – I’m talking about my life.
Last summer I was running 18+ miles a week, and I didn’t lose a pound.
Then, this winter I started having meal-replacement shakes four nights a week instead of dinner. Now all of my pants are too loose.
I’m all for exercise, but I think that once you hit 30, you just gotta eat less…
I loathe going to the gym. I’d much rather bike, run, and play sports, especially hockey. It’s how you wear your body, I think …not about total perfection. Personally, I think a bit of tummy on a guy can be attractive.
Good luck with losing the weight you want… :)
Do a search for “Burn the fat, feed the muscle”, that guy has some good ideas. Personally, I think I look better with more meat on me now than I did as an awkward 25-year-old. But I’m into bears, so becoming one isn’t such a big deal for me;)
I had this experience as well. Didn’t feel like myself for at least a few years because I was always a skinny boy until my 30s. It’s a hard thing to convey to people who don’t have sympathy or who didn’t disappear in profile for most of their lives. You get used to being a certain way. Whether its body fascism or not… it’s a personal truth. Skinny for 30 years? It’s going to become an identity thing. (Regardless of social pressures or gay beauty indoctrination) I lost 20+ lbs on the South Beach and didn’t regain more than a couple lbs of it (3 months since it ended). But, it is age. So, good luck. You’ll keep aging
i think diet (by which I mean not an actual “diet,” but permanent, positive changes to how you eat) + cardio + lifting is the trick. I find the gym to be much less boring with the ipod now – i can’t imagine how I did it 4 years ago.
It’s also much easier to do if you have a partner to go with, as I’ve found now that JP and i have different schedules.
Many good points. For me, with slower metabolism at 33 than 23, it came down to salad, an iPod, and a nice (attitude-free) gym.
I used to run 5-6 miles 3x/week not lose a pound, because I’d come home and binge. Then I began starting every dinner with a huge salad, with filling stuff like green pepper and chick peas and lettuce. I wind up eating much less for dinner overall because you feel so full after going through a large plate of salad to start.
You need real food (with nutrients, including some fat) if you’re going to work out–those liquid/fad diets are completely counterproductive.
An iPod is an absolute must. 45 minutes have never gone by so quickly with the right playlist.
A nice gym is helpful too. One thing I like about mine (NYSC 73rd St) is that it’s free of any attitude and very laid back. If you’re checking out the Y, make sure you like the overall vibe. It will keep you coming back.
Although i work out regularly, i’m a big believer in lotsa sex, which is especially good for working off that mid section.
Turning 30 is like hitting a brick wall – everything stops working the way it used to!
Wait till 40, and watch your metabolism not slow down, but just stop. heh heh. They’re all correct … reduce your intake, shock your body with different exercises (cardio, weights, dancing, sex, whatever), and enjoy where you are at this minute.
the 73rd nysc is the best, russ. I miss it now that i’ve moved uptown.