Stomach

Yesterday I went to see a gastroenterologist, because I’ve had a sensitive stomach my whole life and I decided it was finally time to do something about it.

The doctor says I probably just have an irritable bowel (doesn’t that sound delightful?), but he wants to rule out such unlikely possibilities as Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis.

In order to rule these out, he wants to do a colonoscopy. Also a biopsy of my small intestine and, um, rectum.

I’ve actually had a colonoscopy before, and it wasn’t so bad, given that I was sedated.

This all cries out for so many jokes that I’m not even going to say anything else.

Apartment Hunting

I finally took a step toward moving yesterday. I looked at apartments in Manhattan. I did it to see what types of places are in my price range — and also for the experience.

I saw five studios, all no-fee rentals, all between $1100 and $1300.

The first was in Chelsea, on 24th Street, just west of 9th Ave. It was quite small, but cute, with windows facing the back (no street noise), a nice floor, and a fireplace. This was my favorite. $1100.

The second was in the East Village, on 3rd Street between Avenues A and B. It was also quite small, and also newly renovated (but therefore a bit sterile). It overlooked a little courtyard, where there were lots of kids playing. No thanks. Plus, I’m not really an East Village kinda guy. $1150.

The third was also in the East Village, on 19th between 1st and 2nd. This one was $1300, and much bigger. Also newly renovated, and also a bit sterile, and also in the East Village, but… hmm.

The fourth was in the Village itself, on 10th Street just off 6th Ave. It was $1200, with a separate kitchen area that made the place bigger. The clothes closet was in the kitchen and had no door, so my clothes would probably wind up smelling like food. But it was in a great neighborhood, and one block away from the PATH, which I’d take to work. It was also on the same block as my therapist’s office, which would be… strange. Still, this place was my second favorite.

The fifth place was on First Avenue, between 13th and 14th. It was small and dim with crappy carpeting and faced 1st Avenue. No thanks. $1100.

So, what did I learn?

– Manhattan apartments are small. I already knew that, but… damn. For $1100 you basically get a dorm room with your own bathroom and miniscule kitchen. For $1100 right now, I have an entire floor of a brownstone, with a bedroom bigger than most of these studios, a kitchen with its own window that overlooks a yard, a living room, a separate little study, lots of closet space, and my own washer and dryer in my apartment. To move, I’d have to sell lots of my stuff — which actually wouldn’t be so bad. And I’d probably start to feel cooped up in most of these places, but I guess everyone deals with that. Unfortunately, if there’s noise, you can’t escape it by going into a separate room. And yet: location, location, location.

– If I look at enough places, I can probably find something that I can afford and live with — and live in.

– Manhattan apartments are small.

– I’ve begun to overcome my fear of the whole Manhattan apartment-hunting process. Overcoming fear is a good thing.

– Manhattan apartments: small.

I Am Not Him

It has been brought to my attention that I must point out the following:

The guy in the first and second photos is Hal Sparks, who plays Michael on “Queer as Folk.”

The guy in the third photo is me.

Therefore, the guy in the third photo is NOT Hal Sparks.

I just needed to make that clear.

Thank you.