“The same rocket technology that delivers nuclear warheads has also taken us peacefully into space… From that perspective, we see our earth as it really is � a small and fragile and beautiful blue globe, the only home we have.”

— President Jimmy Carter, January 14, 1981 (six days before leaving office)

(Quoted in Past Farewells: Presidents’ Words Have Run From Poignant to Prophetic), from today’s New York Times)

Wow.

How straight acting are you? I found this quiz that can measure your level of straight acting-ness. On a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being “the ultimate in straight acting” and 10 being “queen status,” I scored a 3, “mostly straight acting,” described as follows:

You lead a normal everyday life and it’s ‘no questions asked’ as people just assume you are straight. Every once and awhile a very aware person might notice something that causes them to think ‘fem’ but it’s a fleeting thought because you turn around and surprise them with more masculine traits before they even have time to fully analyze the last one.

That’s about what I would have expected.

But to be honest, I don’t like the phrase straight acting. If you suck dick, you’re not exactly acting straight, unless a) you’re trying to collect DNA evidence and you just happened to lose your eyedropper or b) you’re female. (I’m not really sure who’s reading this, but if you’re someone who already knows me and you’re shocked that I would use the imagery of fellatio — so shocked, in fact, that your pristine image of me has been shattered — then I apologize. Please try to make my next image out of Pyrex.)

In the chat rooms, you often see guys who call themselves straight acting. They also usually refer to themselves as “college dude” or “hot dude” or “[adjective] dude.” Dude! You’d think they were all trying to be Keanu Reeves. (And you know the rumors about him. Ironic, huh.)

I knew a guy in college who was incredibly effeminate. Yet he had a really beautiful girlfriend/fiancee. So, either we all knew something she didn’t, or she knew something we didn’t. Anyway, he was probably sleeping with her. So, was he straight acting?

I’m probably philosophizing too much. After all, given the choice between meeting a masculine guy and meeting an effeminate guy, I’d choose the masculine guy. Why? It’s probably some remaining internalized homophobia* combined with the sheer weight of physical attraction. I’m drawn to guys who pretty much pass for straight. (Um, who pass for straight in most instances, anyway.)

*(Homophobia is another word that makes me a little uneasy; the word implies “fear,” and while fear is probably a big reason why lots of people are anti-gay, I don’t think anti-gay attitudes are always based on fear. Homophobia is a loaded word, almost as much as lifestyle is.)

To quote James Stockdale: Why am I here? Why have I created a blog? I can’t quite figure out why. I keep a journal, on good old-fashioned paper; do I want to turn this into my journal? No. I don’t need all my innermost thoughts to be sent out into the world (or at least to the ten people who read this). Anyway, as writing guru Natalie Goldberg says, you can only write well if you’re willing to write crap, and you can only write crap if you’re not worried about what other people will think.

Besides, one reason I have a website is so that people can find out about me, and maybe want to meet me, and divulging all my innermost troubling thoughts (we all have them, don’t even pretend you don’t) isn’t really the best way to be appealing, is it? Would you do that at a party? No. So why do it here? I don’t know. Lots of other people have weblogs, too. I guess it’s the exhibitionist Internet culture. Sort of makes you wonder why we were born with skin. I mean, I see the appeal, or else I wouldn’t have made a blog, but I don’t quite get it.