Today Lambda Legal filed a lawsuit in New Jersey seeking marriage equality. Here’s the complaint.

In 2006, in response to a previous lawsuit, the New Jersey Supreme Court ruled that the state had to provide equal treatment to gay and straight couples, but it left it up to the state legislature to decide whether this would come in the form of civil unions or marriage. The legislature chose civil unions. Now Lambda has sued the state, arguing that civil unions are not good enough and that only marriage will provide equality.

The complaint sets forth the reasons why civil unions aren’t good enough. Skip ahead to page 16 (paragraph 30) for some specific ways in which gay New Jersey couples in civil unions have experienced inequality even though civil unions supposedly provide equality. Complications have come up in hospital emergencies, in funeral homes, in the context of insurance benefits, and in other areas.

It’s interesting: right now, New Jersey treats gay couples better than New York does, but in a few weeks, New York will leap ahead of New Jersey, and New Jersey will be the inferior state.

Here’s hoping New Jersey follows New York’s lead.

It’s been a long road to marriage equality in New York State.

Five years ago next month, the New York Court of Appeals ruled in Hernandez v. Robles that the state constitution didn’t give same-sex couples the right to get married. I remember the anger, sadness and frustration I felt that day. The decision came out in the morning; in the evening, we went to a rally in Sheridan Square. Later that night, I wrote the following:

This decision is as insulting as Bowers v. Hardwick, the 1986 anti-sodomy decision that was eventually sent to history’s dustbin by Lawrence v. Texas. Rallies were held in Sheridan Square on the sad day that Bowers was decided and again on the happy day 17 years later when Lawrence reversed it. I look forward to the day when a rally is held in celebration of New York State’s allowing its gay citizens to get married, a day when Hernandez v. Robles itself is relegated to the dustbin of history.

And we’d damn well better not have to wait 17 years for it.

It turns out it took just five years, not 17. The depressing 38-24 Senate vote two years ago was just a bump along the road, but an important one; without it, we wouldn’t have seen where senators stood and known who needed to be lobbied, and we might not have ultimately achieved victory this past Friday.

These last two weeks were excruciating. The Senate seemed stalled at 31 votes for, 31 against. It didn’t even seem clear that there’d be a vote. It felt like Groundhog Day, waiting and waiting and waiting day after day for the Senate to act. But part of me knew it would happen; it just didn’t seem possible that we would come this far, only to have the Senate not vote, or worse, reach a tie vote. There was a rumor that a 32nd vote had been found, but it didn’t seem to be sourced.

Some of Matt’s family was visiting this weekend, and as we traipsed around the city on Thursday night and Friday, doing touristy things with them, we both kept obsessively checking Twitter to see if there were any developments. Frustration began to set in as the process dragged out longer and longer. It started to seem like maybe the Senate session would end without a vote.

But then suddenly the dam broke. Things seemed to happen so quickly: they’ve agreed on amended language! The Assembly has voted on it! And then… the Senate will vote on it tonight!

On Friday night, Matt and I sat at home, watching the vote live on TV and following our Twitter feeds. And then Stephen Saland, a Republican who had remained publicly undecided, announced on the floor of the Senate that he was a yes. That was it: this was really going to happen. At one point I was afraid that that bigot Ruben Diaz was going to drag things out and that somehow there wouldn’t actually be a vote. But it happened. 33-29! It was done! All the frustration and anxiety melted away so quickly that for a while I almost forgot I’d spent the last two weeks feeling it. It wasn’t until I remembered the anxiety and realized I didn’t need to feel it anymore that it really began to hit me.

This new law obviously has very personal implications. Matt and I have been together for seven and a half years, and we’ve discussed getting married, but it’s always been a necessarily hypothetical discussion. Now the possibility is real. Whatever we decide, I’m thrilled that my state now treats me as an equal citizen and that we’re allowed to make the choice for ourselves.

I’ve been so proud and happy to be a gay New Yorker this weekend.