Loathing and Crushing

I could kick myself for missing Andy’s show last night. According to him and him, it was fabulous. Unfortunately, I can’t go to the next performance, which is next Friday night, because I’ll be in D.C. for a college friend’s wedding. Andy, I hope you do even more performances, so I can see you for myself.

It’s been a weekend of random blogger encounters. I ran into Sparky not once but twice — at the Phoenix on Friday night and then at Hole (formerly the Fat Cock) last night. I also saw Julian at the Phoenix, cowboy-hatted, and I saw Andy, fresh off his performance, at Hole, as well as Michael.

Before going to Hole last night, I had dinner with my friend Arch and a few other people at Cookies and Cous Cous, a small Middle Eastern restaurant on Thompson Street, north of Bleecker. It was a great meal, for so many reasons. Five articulate gay men, a meal at a late hour, a cozy corner table, and one of the best burgers I’d ever had — on a squishy homemade roll.

One of my dinner companions was this friend of Arch’s whom I’d met two or three times before, and I’ve decided I have a full-fledged crush on him. Physically, he’s the guy I’ve always dreamed of marrying: totally clean-cut, short conservative hair, glasses, cute teeth. At UVA I had a longtime crush on a guy with a similar look. Unfortunately, this guy is kind of a space cadet and it doesn’t seem like we have much in common. I told Arch that I had a crush on him, and Arch discouraged me from pursuing it, for the same reasons I’ve just mentioned.

We left the restaurant and walked over to Hole, where, as planned, we ran into Sean. Sean, you may or may not recall, is the guy with whom Wes was flirting on that now-legendary (to me) night at the Phoenix two months ago, the night that was the beginning of the end for us. As I wrote the other night, he and Wes eventually wound up meeting, and hooking up, and Wes told me that the guy has a really weird dick.

Last night was the first time I’d seen Sean since that night. I knew I was going to see him at some point last night, and I tried to prepare myself for it. I didn’t know what I was going to feel. But I told myself I’d play it totally cool and happy.

You know, I don’t usually loathe people. But I really think I loathe Sean. He’s a queeny, flirty airhead. It’s not that a purse falls out when he opens his mouth. It’s that a really stupid purse falls out when he opens his mouth. I think I should call him Bubbles. I hate listening to him speak, I don’t like how he dresses, I don’t like the fact that he flirted with my date right in front me when he knew we were on a date, I don’t like the fact that he gave my date his phone number, right in front of me. I just really can’t stand the guy. We all need someone to loathe, right? I think I’ll use him as my golem and just pile all my frustrations onto him. Yeah.

Anyway, I pretty much avoided him last night. I did have an enjoyable moment when I looked at him and thought to myself, there you are, Sean, standing there, acting all cool, but I know your secret: you’ve got a really weird dick.

I also got to point him out to Sparky and Andy, without him knowing it, which was kind of fun.

If he only knew he were a blog celebrity.

My cute bespectacled crush guy wound up leaving the bar a bit early, and eventually I left as well. I would up going over to the Phoenix for about five minutes, and then I came home. Not a thrilling night. But it’s always best to focus on the good things, and I did have a really terrific dinner with some nice people.

So now here I am, it’s 5:00 on a Sunday afternoon and I’ve done nothing today except get up late, read most (not even all yet) of the Sunday New York Times, and do some grocery shopping, and blog, and now it’s practically dark. I have tomorrow off for Veteran’s Day (yay being a government employee), but I can already feel the weekend slipping away. I’m going shopping with my mom tomorrow to buy stuff for my apartment. I think I’m going to go out tonight, although I’m not sure where. But the last time I went out on a Sunday night of a three-day weekend, I met Piano Man, so you never know what can happen.

There are moments when I feel like I’m sitting at home wasting time when I could be out and about. At some of those times, I ask myself, “Where would I really like to be right now?” and if it’s at all practical, I’ll go there. Unfortunately, right now I’d like to be visiting the Panorama of the City of New York, which is at the Queens Museum of Art out in Flushing, but it closes at 5 and I wouldn’t be able to make it out there in time. Really, I didn’t plan my Sunday very well.

Last year — around this same weekend, in fact — I took the 7 train out to the QMA in Flushing Meadows Park and saw the Panorama, which I’d always wanted to see. It’s a scale model of the ENTIRE city, all five boroughs, in great detail: skyscrapers, other buildings, bridges, streets, parks, airports, and so on. It’s amazing, it’s beyond words. If you’ve never seen it, you should.

By the way, I’m hopelessly behind on my novel. I haven’t touched it in five days, which means I’m about 10,000 words behind. I’ll never finish on time.

Anyway — if you go out tonight, maybe you’ll see me at a bar. I really wish more people had Veteran’s Day off.

And I wish I didn’t feel like time were slipping away.